Peter Pan Live Part 3: Who Killed Laura Palmer?

Peter Pan Live Synopsis
Part 3


LB Hideout

On the hideout's hilltop, Tinkerbell flits and flutters and squeaks to tell the lost boys to shoot the "Wendy Bird" with their arrow. So, they are happy to follow her orders. Wendy's lifeless body falls from the top of the set, and the cheers are heard throughout the entirety of the East Coast as viewers rejoice. Thanks Tink!

Tink takes out the competition

Peter arrives with John and Michael, introducing them, and saying he's got a mother for them. They lost boys brag about killing the Wendy Bird. Peter runs down the hill to see if this is true. He chides them for it, and is about to punch the boy who shot the arrow. But he is not visibly upset, as he has no emotional attachments, especially not to a girl. Her brothers look a bit put-out.

Who killed Laura Palmer?

Unluckily for us, she lives, the arrow was stopped by the acorn "kiss" pendant on her neck chain. Wendy wakes, but is tired. The boys tell their Captain Pan that Hook is back. The boys get excited at the possibility of a new mother and want to do something nice to welcome her. So, they slide into the cave and "clean" their room with mops and brooms. I will admit, Peter has a very lovely singing voice.
Song: Wendy

Wendy arrives and agrees to be their mother if Peter will be their father. He says, "Sure, its only pretend", setting the tone of Wendy's delusion for the rest of this journey. The boys beg for mum to tell them the endings to some of their favorite stories.

Cinderella?
"He discovers that she is a lowly maid, resigns her to being a consort and she throws herself off the bridge and dies ... and he lives happily ever after."
Sleeping Beauty?
"He kills the dragon, wakes her with his kiss, and decides they have no spark so she dies and he lives happily ever after."
Hamlet?
"Oh, Hamlet? Well, Hamlet's plot succeeds, he gets his revenge, and goes on to star on his own Reality TV Show." They look upset, so she adds, "Oh, and he lives happily ever after." Now they are happy.

Whee! Poison cake down the hatch

Wendy sees the cake and tells the boys that they aren't allowed sweets. They begrudgingly give in, and toss it out the window, right into....

Cecco gets poison cake in the face

Then the boys decide to wash up.

Rub-a-dub-dub, 8 Boys in a Tub

 The scene fades out, before we know what horrors come after the scene above.


Aboard the Jolly Roger
Cecco returns with cakeface to report the failure and Hook is speechless for a few moments, as if searching for what to say. Finally, "They found a mother?" He begins to cough, and the crew imitates, so that his loss for words won't seem so awkward. Another obstacle in his plot. He must now think, and to think... he needs his muse of music. They ask him what tempo.

Hook: "Tempo? A tarentella to tease a tortured template from my temple."

Song: Hook's Tarentella

This dance gets even funnier by the 3rd viewing, I assure you

Hook lip-syncs the longest note ever held

After a commercial, he's still going

 

LB Meeting on the Picnic Tables

Peter wants to plan some military strategy with his "soldiers" but Wendy has papers ready for a daily lesson. Peter insists on teaching it his way instead. She's not allowed to join in their reindeer games.

Song: I Don't Want to Grow Up

New version of patty cake

QUOTE OF THE NIGHT:

 "Cuz growing up is awfuller than all the awful things that ever were...."

.............  except for this show. 

 They do flips and run off. Immediately after, 3 pirates enter. Smee, Billy Jukes and Noodler have a plan to mark spots on the floor with a red X, to seem like its a treasure map, but really to mark the spot to place the dynamite, all around the island.

In another spot, the boys are play sword-fighting, but Wendy wants to teach them how to avoid war with diplomacy by learning table manners.

Song: I Won't Grow Up

again.They put the plates and teacups on their head and head out, leaving Wendy behind to catch up. 

The 3 pirates enter and make another X. But as they leave, they are tailed by Tiger Lily, who sees what they are up to and feels she must warn Peter. I dunno why, being he hates her and all. 

Her hot island men come in dancing, find the lost boys and capture them, just long enough for Peter to hear out Tiger Lily's warning.

Islander Kurt Russell Jr. captures the Darling Brats

Wendy enters and reminds Peter of diplomacy when he tries to run off. Then for some unknown lack of reason, Wendy and Tiger Lily have a verbal cat sparring over which one gets to order Peter around. He looks like a deer in the headlights, then mockingly repeats, "Diplomacy", as the boys all laugh at how silly the girls are, cuz they are so superior in their minds. Misogynists. Ugh.Wendy's order for them to go home wins.

Song: I Won't Grow Up

They dance and crow about being boys forever. Wendy enters and announces its nap time. Peter says she still doesn't get the dangers of Neverland. On the hill above the hideout, the pirates plant the map. Immediately, Tiger Lily enters and finds it. 

Hmmm... what could this be?

On her left, Hook and Co. are there waiting to catch her. 

Hook:"You found it." 

Us: Really? Thanks, Captain Obvious!!!!

And they escort her out. 

(To be continued in part 4)

Peter Pan Live, Part 2: Tap Dancing Pirates

Peter Pan Live
Part 2: The One that made you cry

Act II
Aboard the Jolly Roger

Captain Hook (played by Ming the Merciless), buff Smee and the crew of 16 seemingly macho pirates debate the merits of taking revenge on Peter Pan for cutting off Hook's hand and feeding it to a crocodile that liked the taste of the Captain so much, it follows him endlessly, hoping for more of that bacon jerky goodness. Thankfully, Captain Hook has now reached the ripe old age of 128 so he's tired and likely too slow to catch Peter. It soon becomes apparent that he has already died, so he mostly stays slumped on his golden Recline-O-Matic throne, mumbling, lazy-eyed, until the music starts, forcing his zombie body to reanimate for the dance numbers. 

 

Play it again, Sam

Cue tap dancing sequence....

Song - Vengeance

Hook: Don't I want to be a hero? Don't I want to be a dandy?

Pirates: YEAH!

Kurt Russel Pirate: no....

Hook: Could I have a pink umbrella?

Pirates: SURE!

blah, blah, blah .... skip to the big finish

Pirates: Nothing is sweeter than vengeance!!!

Me: …..except for these dandy tap-dancing pirates.

Life's not worth a damn, til you can say, "Hey World, I am what I am"

If this hot guy isn't the illegitimate son of Kurt Russell, then I'm a tranny mermaid:

     Hot Pirate 1                   Profile                 Captain Ron

After the song and dance, they light a match to the end of a canon's wick and... BOOM goes the dynamite!

Neverland

First, we get to see Tiger Lily (played by Nikki Minaj) and her troupe of hot, tanned, muscular, dangerous, tribal gymnasts, wearing little more than a few leaves. I'm so happy that a strong female of color is their leader, even though she is wearing a slashed up iridescent teal dress with cut-outs that she stole from Donna Summer's closet at the Studio 54 Disco in 1981. They run off somewhere behind the trees.

It's raining men, Hallelujah!

As soon as they are gone, The Lost Boys run in, do a dance in their laissez faire, haphazardly-fitted school uniforms, just like the cast of a kinky Japanese Schoolboy manga. They twirl around, usually in pairs, happy in their idyllic fraternity. Just a normal day in the life of the Lost Boys.

Leapfrog!

Steamroller!

OMG. This genre does exist! Don't google it, I warn you.

They are oblivious to the shadowing of each of them by a hot tribal dancer. It's about to get all West Side Story, but then... It's interrupted by the sound of canon fire boom and they know Hook is nigh. 

Song – Pirate March

Hook enters on a golden litter, carried by the same pallbearers from his mortal funeral. Don't miss Kurt Russell Jr. on the far right end.

  Cleopatra's Litter                  vs.                  Hook's Litter                             

Song – Hook's Tango

As they search for the hideout of the Lost Boys, Hook wanders up a hill and sits on a burning mushroom top, discovering  the Hobbit hole hidden underhill. They hatch a plan to make a poison cake and deliver it Trojan Horse style to the hidey hole.

So, they dance a tango! Hook and buff Smee (with rose in mouth) do the couples part. But Hook gives him a quick knee-to-the-groin. 

Oww. Right in the mommy-daddy button!

Since Smee is out of commission, Hook finds a new partner. 

In pole dancing this is called: Hook the Pole with your Leg. I kid you not.

Hook is getting tired, swaying side to side, so they pick him up.

This is the point where Steve-O quit watching

But their big finish is interrupted by the arrival of the coolest ever man-in-animal-suit - The Croc!

Hook! Get in mah belly!

(To be continued in Part 3....)

UPDATE:
The Kurt Russell Jr pirate is played by Broadway actor/dancer Marty Lawson

Sharknado 2

Sharknado 2: Even More Awesome

August 30, 2014

I just saw Sharknado 2 on Syfy channel. (Trailer link below).
It is awesome! Let me count the ways....

1. This movie is a technical marvel. Good effects, good acting and good deaths. Props to the special effects crew on this one.

Even Princess Leia wants in on the action

2. It defies and disregards all laws of physics, anatomy, and the natural world. Ex: a bullet will stop a shark flying toward a skyscraper. makes them drop straight down, ignoring their trajectory and velocity. Ex 2: A chainsaw or sword will go right through the body of a flying shark and give a clean cut, even if you also are flying in the midst of the tornado. Apparently, it takes more than being eaten by a shark to keep a good man down (so says the hero blonde guy from 90210).

3. It's tons of fun. Comic genius. It doesn't take itself seriously, and neither should you. If you do, its probably better if you have some beers and friends nearby. The Second One doesn't drag on or have as many slow spots as the original movie (I only saw some of that, was boring until the end). Ok, I didn't pay attention to all of the 2nd one either, but I plan to see it again. 

4. No other movie in the history of cinema has ever shown more than a few sharks dying. This one kills them by the thousands. Sharks are on fire, dropped on the pavement, shot in the brain, cut in half, impaled, beheaded, electrocuted ... you name it. 

5. The sacrifices of human life are minimal and not much of a loss. Many celebrities (Including a Shark Tank investor) and Darwin Award contenders (those who stare and don't run) are taken out, and no one cries over that. I was sad when Pepa (of salt n pepa) got slammed by one while on a bicycle though. :`( RIP Pepa - I love you.
 

Ride, Pepa. Ride!!!!!

6. Wil Wheaton, king of nerds, has a cameo in the beginning, with his wife even. Kelly Osborne was adorable. Vivica Fox is the strong heroine. Kari Wuhrer makes her comeback. Robert Hayes is the airplane pilot. Judd Hirsh is the taxi driver. And Kelly Ripa stabs a shark's head with her high heel on the set of her show. Awesooooome.

Curiosity killed the plane passenger

Summary: Sharknado 2 is freaking Awesome. Watching thousands of sharks get killed - makes me cheer.

I truly recommend you watch the full thing. But if you can't, or you like spoilers, here's the 10 min highlights. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGcwd0XbuzU

 

Peter Pan Live, Part 1: When Peter met Wendy

Peter Pan Live, Part 1- the 2014 Holiday Extravaganza on NBC

By Me and My Shadow

My son and I sat down Friday night to check out the newest holiday "classic" that we missed watching LIVE the night before on NBC. His observations are mixed in with the following synopsis.

It opens with a long, smooth pan shot (pun intended) of the rooftops of Victorian London homes, as if we were flying into the unlocked windows of the Darling home's 3^rd floor ourselves. Well, we can't very well enter by the front door. There's no set for that. It's snowing outside and the exterior and interiors are decked out in pine and holly for the yule season. 

ACT I

The Darling Nursery Room, London

In the nursery room are three twin beds, fancy dressers and rugs atop rugs, because the bugs need to go under them and warm up. The "almost a grown up" daughter is Wendy (played by the daughter of Laura Palmer from Twin Peaks).

               Wendy                           Wendy's Real Mother

Her younger brothers are the stodgy John, who supposedly dislikes her but practices dancing with her, and the oh so adorable Michael, who still carries a teddy bear around at the age of 8, or whatever he is. They don't say much, just smile and look cute.

See what a brat the little one is?

Then their fancy pants parents come in to say goodnight before they go out to their fancy dress dinner party. There's a real dog named Nana who's the only governess, disciplinarian and protector of the children, as the parents are too busy. Conveniently, the dog pounces on the stuffy father who orders it out of the room, despite the mother's pleas to keep it in there. She explains in private that she wants it in the room for security.

Mother: I've seen a boy's face against the window.

Father: Poppycock. You're dreaming, you looney woman.

Mother: And there's a ball of light as big as your hand that flies around. When the boy left, Nana closed the shutters and we caught the shadow, so I put it in the dresser. I think he's coming back for it.

Father: Why not hang it out the window?

Mother: What would the neighbors think?
Father: Oh, no worse than the fantasy of a flying boy and twinkle hanging out of the window!
Father: Wait. How did the dog close the shutters?

Husband patronizes "dreaming" Wife

So, the self-proclaimed “Master of the House” decides to ban the dog anyway. The submissive mother goes into the nursery to tuck the little ones into bed. They are saddened that she lost the argument. 

Wendy's "Surprised" Face

Mother: “Night lights are a mother's eyes to watch over her children.”

This begs the question: Does she have multiple eyes? She kind of needs those for this to be true. In her mind, if the lights are on, then surely a young stalker can't possibly come in the unlocked bay window. So, she leads the children in a lullaby-in-the-round about counting sheep. While Wendy is sleeping, the makeup artists under the bed penciled in her brows some more.

Song – Tender Shepherd

Immediately after the hapless mother exits, Tink slips under the window, then all around the room, looking for the shadow.

Tink, the Light-up Fairy

Peter arrives (played by the daughter of Hilary Swank and NBC anchor Brian Williams), blowing open the window and landing gently in the dark room. He finds his shadow in a drawer and tries to get it to stick to him, using a bar of soap rubbed on. We all know that soap is the best glue there is, but it's not working for some reason. Wendy is awoken and accuses him of crying, which he denies, cuz boys don't cry. Just ask Robert Smith of The Cure. Oooh, or like in that movie, Boys Don't Cry, where a girl adopts a male identity and is close with a girl .... hmmm.

Wendy and Peter

Yup, looks like Wendy and Peter to me

They introduce themselves and Wendy falls instantly madly in love with him. But they hear a noise in the hall and go to investigate it.

Peter: Don't worry, you're safe with me.
Wendy: Why would I worry? I just met you!

They open the hall closet to find the lifeless form of the maid, who has obviously been murdered; it's the only explanation. By whom is irrelevant. Unless you are playing the game Clue while you watch this.

I say it was Mr. Green in the Hallway with the lead pipe

Nevertheless, they think she is asleep and continue back to the nursery room. 

Wendy: Peter, where do you live?

Peter: Second to the right and straight on til morning.

Wendy: Second turn?
Peter: No. STAR! Second Star! Gah, I forgot to say star. The most famous phrase in this play and I forgot it. I'm talking too fast. Anyway, you mustn't touch me. No one has ever touched me. But I must get my shadow to stay on my body... which means it would be.... touching me.

Wendy: Let me sew it on for you. … Oops I touched you.

Peter: Huh? Hey! Look! My shadow. Oh, I'm so clever. Oh the cleverness of me.

Wendy: And of course, I did nothing.

Peter: That's right. Girl!

Song - I Gotta Crow

When you just gotta go... err, I mean, crow

Wendy: Oh, Peter! You're just like Bieber! I just gotta kiss you. Do you know what that is?

Peter: I'll know when you give me one.

She hands him a Hershey's Kiss-shaped thimble. He gives her an acorn.

Peter: I think I like these kisses.

Then he talks about running away to his secret place. He asks Wendy to believe him about it. She so willingly does.

Song - Neverland

Then he introduces Tink, the jealous fairy. Every time a child says he doesn't believe in fairies, another one falls dead. Tink says Wendy is an ugly girl. Tink is right on! Wendy tries to get a kiss again, but Tink foils her evil plans by pulling her hair. Wendy gets an attitude. Peter just sighs, “Girls.” Ugh. Peter changes the subject by asking how the story Cinderella ends. He offers Wendy to come fly with him to Neverland, to tell the Lost Boys all the stories, since they are lonely and have “no female companionship.” Obviously, Mrs. Darling never warned Wendy about sexual predators who kidnap pretty young girls, so Wendy excitedly agrees.

Song - I'm Flying

Peter teaches all three kids to fly by sprinkling some illegal “fairy dust” on them and telling them to “think lovely thoughts”.

Wendy: The Frozen DVD!

John: Xbox One!

Michael: Hot Cheetos!

Wendy: Affordable healthcare!

John: Rise in minimum wages!

Michael: Hot Cheetos!

Peter: No, Michael, LOVELY thoughts

Michael: Ariana Grande!

Peter: Good!

Bingo! Michael is the first to rise up, arms and legs flailing. The others soon follow, and Peter leads them toward the not-large-enough bay window that magically opens, taking the top of the wall with it. That's gonna be a bother to replace. Out in the starry night sky, they fly towards Neverland. 

Kidnapping is a Felony. Just sayin'.

(Act II coming soon)